21.03.1990

2009-10-24T17:45:00.003+08:00

so now do i pronounce, the end of the paparazzi that used to stalk Designer K and her friends (:
Designer K will soon be overtaking this blog and flooding it with tantamount of emotions. The paparazzi? Occasional.

come back for more of my words.

designer K, back

2009-08-17T02:22:00.002+08:00

HELLO ONCE AGAIN! designer k.. is back. this time, spotted with neon orange nails on hot pink!
Looks like it cld be a dull outfit plus shocking nails for designer K at school tmrs!

2009-07-14T01:18:00.002+08:00

what's a fine sunny saturday without designer K and her cousins of multi-professions! ie, a student, a lawyer and a patisser! Goofing around and taking over the paparazzi, we would never have realised how designer K's favourite song is 'paparazzi' by lady gaga, pa-per paparazzi! the same day that morning designer K was spotted entering a silver car, which sources say is the car of her cousin, lawyerV. Where they headed too, destinations left unknown as designer K's personal assistant has warranted for designer K and lawyer V's private time. However, to our totally unexpected eyes, designer K together with her cousins,and grandfather was spotted off bukit timah six avenue, chewing on pork ribs, what singaporeans call as a local savoury, bak kut teh.
Maybe those pork ribs, ribbed off of meat, could be the inspirations for designer K's upcomong collection for s/s 2010. Good luck then! Chew well everyone!

2009-07-14T01:01:00.002+08:00

K and friend, T, spotted with a toodler at bishan's cafe cartel! K has been heard calling out the toddler's name, corny. Seemed like they definitely did have fun roaming around the chillist youth place- junction 8, with cute corny. With all the bustling going out and about at bishan, one would definitely not wanna miss the hype.
K says:' oh i defintely did have fun in junction 8! The night market's amazing because of the tea eggs. AND because the yolks are the greatest fat burner of all food types, i have been stuffing myself with them all day! Go try it. U'll be taken by storm (:'
Have fun losing weight then, K!

2009-07-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

spotted yet again, hitting the artistic land of singapore, bugis! Designer K and fellow dancemate J! Seeams like fun (: glad designer K is unwinding by gg crazy with dancemate J in town tday (: HAHA toodles yo!

hais

2009-06-30T12:14:00.002+08:00

I think i should accept everything without complaining!

2009-06-28T16:05:00.004+08:00

and we thought designer K was on a DIET after returning from taiwan! To our horror she was spotted gorging herself in a room, named, 'kitchen'! Zomg.. Pictures showed her mouthful!

Haha, okayyy, its actually cherry tomatoes! Good way of snacking. Continue! ((: sorry for intrusion designer k!

2009-06-24T03:40:00.000+08:00

KYO TA!

2009-06-21T22:22:00.002+08:00

and so! designer K and the rest decided to take a six hour ride from northern area of taiwan (where taipei is) to the southern most area, where the beaches are! Area called kenting! Only major dissappointment is that there was a major typhoon in kenting. Damn and gosh, no beaches, so six hour ride, down the drain.. And so.. They were spotted leaving kenting for kaoshiung from their motel the very next day. Checked into a good, awesome hotel not being able to do anything cause there's also a typhooooooon! Oh wells, designer K and cousins did have a great time anyways. In the hotel, thats it (:
'Seeeeeee u guys in a bit!!' K says (:

2009-06-18T03:01:00.001+08:00

helllllo from taiwannnnnnn! ((:

2009-06-16T15:32:00.001+08:00

a rainy day, with thunderstorms! Looks like its indoors for them all today! ((:

2009-06-16T13:53:00.002+08:00

and soo, designer K still in taiwan (: she together with the mess created over the past few days..
the last few days were spent shopping like crazy... Clothes here? hmm, designer K says:" NOT SO CHEAP AT ALLLLLLLLL!". Taiwan's really THE city that comes alive at night. Each day, designer K and her family were seen returning back to the apartment only at 1am and at times 2am!! The night markets, fantabulous, though you really cant get to buy much. According to sources, designer K and her younger cousin with whom she moves around with in night markets, laments on the fact that you have to literally DIG for clothes! Still, we spotted her with her older cousin, V, at a stallll at Raohe night market chatting away happily with the stall owner as they happily bargain for cheaper prices. Hmm a chat amidst bargaining? hahhhah, we laugh..
Designer K was also spotted trying sashimi during a japanese buffet! This time, she didnot puke! seems like she's willing to embrace the culture of the rampant raw fish! Though she really didnt like the rawness.. (if there's ever such a word)

2009-06-15T03:00:00.000+08:00

2009-06-14T16:18:00.001+08:00

ah ha! The motion of designer K and the people in the house situated at zhong san bei lu, taipei! Haha sources say they r leaving for taipei101 sooooon (:

2009-06-14T10:39:00.002+08:00

zang! kudos to designer K for loadimg her luggage with more fashion books!
Haha, we manage to zoom around to took at her 'mini taiwan closet' and get a picture of her and her cousin snuggling up tgt! Sounds wrong i know.. They mst have sleeeep really late last night...

2009-06-14T10:28:00.002+08:00

ah ha! designer K and one of her younger cousins spotted:.... SLEEPINGGGGG! Haha, found out, theyre in an apartment in the shihlin district. Mannnn! Because paparazzi came in via the room's window, we managed to get these images.. Gai... Wad tough life we have, paparazzi through climbing windows.
Take note at what K has on her bedside.. Seems like she's working on a 'new collection'!

2009-06-14T10:12:00.003+08:00

K and cousins seen at the airport. Seems like they're off to somewhere new on this taiwanese airway. Till then! she'll be back soon... How do i know? COMMON SENSE, cause a designer cant be away for too long a while, she has work!
For now, let us, the paparazzzi team fly too as well (:

2009-06-05T19:53:00.002+08:00

Spotted, K and friends, E, L, S and S, chilling in the... Airport? Hahah seems like they're having alot of fun, with k-pop's sorry sorry by super junior and nobody by wonder girls! it's BUFFET TIME at changi's t2 befir finally moving to t3's wang's cafee! (((((((. Biggest smiles! Let them all have fun fun fun! ((((:

aw... Wifi...

2009-05-30T15:15:00.005+08:00

once again hitting the regional suburban estate of Singapore to indulge in the 'great research' of fashion and baking, cousins, patisser S and designer K hang out in the library, escaping from the hot weather of the tropics. 'ugh,' they'd claim but they still got on with their life as 'researchers' in their own respecctive fields.

pictures snatched from an e71

sasa's goofing around again.. Wifi is awe cool

2009-05-30T15:02:00.004+08:00

haha singer M and designer K, spotted goofing all day in town. Haha food republic seems like a new hangout for this immaculate duo! Check it out..

so its me (:

2009-05-28T17:22:00.003+08:00

sooooo, getting a lil bored flipping through two thick books, one of then is 20years with D&G and other is a blardy thick fashion book with profiles of 100 designers. Jax has left, and have great load of time to kill and 'study' before the next schedule.
Haha, stupid phone! I felt so embarrased taking a self portrait, in a library, cause the camera just cant not make any noise everytime each picture is taken. Gahhh i feel a lil dumb, BUT who cares, in my own world i am in (:

at the library!

2009-05-28T17:10:00.003+08:00

At the library with jx, goofing around before she has to print her idol application ((:

haha, using wifi and playing around... Just for fun post

2009-05-27T15:51:00.003+08:00

spotted. Architecture and designer, walking along the same path off bishan road. Who knows what the new standalone boutique of designer K will look like with help of architect J. We look forward.

-photos courtesy of nokiaE71.net-

2009-05-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

Haha as seen! This is the goodness of having a wifi phone - YOU PRACTICALLY GET TO UPLOAD YOUR PICTURES THE MOMENT YOU TAKE THEN ANYWHERE, ANYTIME!
Haha, so i am spending my friday night with Lemont, Gabby, Veeks and Liling at far east!
Spent a big bomb on shopping jax and audrey!
Lunch with aff peeps, AWESOMMMME and filling @ astons! Hahaha peektures sooon!

2009-05-01T15:00:00.002+08:00

And.. IT WAS AARON'S BIRTHDAY!
haha it was a rather fun night because we were all squealing with excitment with Star Awards. HAHA! anyways it was a good get together, traditions forever!

It was mouse's performance! (((: HAHA vice pres of her dance group. beeg shot here!

2009-04-21T00:20:00.002+08:00

Something that I have been trying my best to savor, but to absolute no avail! Yes, when almost everyone can enjoy every bit of this, and other raw foodies, I can't. HAHA I have no clue as to why, but i just puke each time I try forcing it down my throat. Hail salmon, I surrender.

The beckoning behind my reason for trial is due to Geum Jandi filling her mouth with a whole load of raw food, that seemed rather delicious. Seems like, I am wrong.

Oh wells.

A nice complimentary drink from The Pasta Shop @ Wheelock. Mom and I have been asked to be drink connoisseurs for the day. The pre launch of this Mango plus apple and a slight tinge of lemon. NAICE

2009-04-19T22:23:00.003+08:00

ZOMG.. i swear today was like gahhh, an embarrassing day. Never wanna relive that moment. ahhhh stab me hard, stab me crazy.

Happy days!

2009-04-19T01:41:00.002+08:00

Oh wells, a very mini photolog.. I'll upload more onto facebook SOON! I havent been logging onto facebook for like the longest era, because of Gu Jun Pyo! Korean, version Boys over Flowers is just too addictive.

Anyways, i just came back from Mouse's Dance concert today, plus a sleepover. Picture upload SOON! HAHA

2009-04-14T03:44:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, its often the detachment in reality that spurs on the best in us. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Photolog updates!

2009-04-11T14:54:00.002+08:00

Thanks again, for you babes! Making my birthday surprise especially getting me a Vacuum cleaner as well! YAY!

EWO! leftover rosti plus freshly pained nails! WAHOOO! pardon our pyjamas!

Fedora nights, happiness always!

2009-04-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

i BELIEVE that i'll go to melbourne this holiday

2009-04-07T14:32:00.000+08:00

Spent my major moolahs away!
A bag, a pair of shoes, a pair of bermudas and a necklace!

Christian Lacroix

2009-04-07T13:00:00.006+08:00

Went with Jax to view the Christian Lacroix exhibition! Boy it was fantastic. A truly remarkable craftsman of fashion, I must say.

50 Little Secrets

2009-04-07T01:32:00.003+08:00

Rarely have I ever done a post like this... still, it seems fun!

01. Who was your last text from?
Magie.

02. Where was your default picture taken?
facebook? It was at udders!

03. Your relationship status?
Single

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
No deaths.

05. What is your current mood?
Happy

06. How many siblings do you have?
1

07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Nicholas

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
Taiwan

09. Have a crazy side?
Duh, it's so obvious.

10. Ever had a near death experience?
Nah. other than the fact that i almost got knocked down by a car today.

11. Something you do a lot?
Laughing

12. Angry at anyone?
a slight, "what the hell" cause of a damn twist of events

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
er.... he's but an eye candy only. besides, I AM A GIRL!

14. When was the last time you cried?
yesterday, sunday.

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
in terms of love... no. in terms of friendship, just voice out, i'lll help!

16. What you think about when you are falling asleep?
about how hard it is to be a big fashion designer and when the hell is princey charms coming for sasa.

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Magie. she called me to rush me to reply her msn convo. HAHA

18. What is your favorite song?
I don't really know.. maybe poker face? but thats so OOOLD

19. What are you doing right now?
reading fashion blogs and having cynical thoughts through my mind

20. Who do you trust right now?
my closest closest friends. you know who u are.

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
HAHA yuling's old shirt which she lent me a few days after my breakup cause i was caught in the rain while running for tuition. (i wasnt running in the rain cause i was like being silly depressed but i didnt expect it to bloody hell rain. i was soaked)

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
blooody.. no! maybe force kiss my mom?

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
GABBY.

24. Describe your life in one word?
Happy

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
eh... marc jacobs? chuck bass? karl lagerfield? alexander wang? marykate and ashley? the milk guy?

26. What should you be doing right now?
sleeping! cause i have to travel to CCK tomorrows!

27. What are you listening to?
1,2,3,4 by plain white t's

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
my dad

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
no one...

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
maybe i talk lesser and i'll tend to stumble? i mean, who doesnt! i blush also okay, even though my cheeks are alr red.

31. What is your natural hair color?
black

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
in real life, Jax. cause i was out w her tday.

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
my bro lor.

34. What do you hear?
my heartbeating. HAHA no, its the fan, and my typing.

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
straight

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
No

37. Do you have a best friend?
YES! (:

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
my dad's. counted?

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
bloddy yes!

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
nah

41. Are you happy with life right now?
yes. i just wish theres no work.

42. Are u currently jealous?
yea, probably looking at how designers become big in the industry.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
Nothing

44. What were you doing on friday night?
last friday... out spending heaps of money lor

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
bloddy hell yes. who doesnt? COMMENT NOW!

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
if they like me but i dun like them then probably.

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
yes! the anybody is a SHE

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
to get a fake mc i suppose. cause JC was all about pontanning.

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
cause i was too caught up with fashion online. damn! those eye bags

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
sadly, no. but i was the longest for him who had say 6 other girlfriends?

2009-04-06T12:48:00.003+08:00

Anyways, the above was a picture from hanging out with Gabs and Kenneth. HAHA wanted to put a picture so my already boring blog wouldnt look even more boring!
so sad... nobody comments on my blog. HAHHAHAHAH

These days, I have seen myself in the 'dance scene'. Which means helping out at my dance instructor's school helping them with their SYF with Jacklyn (:
Haha, indeed we shared a lot of funny idiotic moments.

I went out to St. James Powerhouse (including their other bars also la). It's like my visit to a club in like....974832623856236764 months? HAHHA kidding la but i rarely hit the clubs.
Well, it is a very much a different experience cause we all felt freaking young? Like, what? Sipping bubbly in the middle of working class people @ Bar None? Going insane at Boiler Room with the working people with couples sharing a romantic dance amidst Lady Gaga's Poker Face? AH haha, Powerhouse was more acceptable albeit squeezy.

Anyways Christian Lacroix todayyyy (((:

"it's a sucess story!"

2009-04-02T17:04:00.002+08:00

I met up with Mrs Towey today. Though it was a short conversation we shared, but it was nevertheless meaningful. If only we took a picture together, it'd be splendid! The Goblet of Fire

Well, the future is uncertain, but I am glad I am taking a step at a time. All I know, that for it to work out, there's a lot of intangibles to conquer. It's about putting your mind to it and understanding it.

It's a rare chance that I do get to snooze out indoors. Nevertheless, I am watching Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. -winks at Gabby-

mini shopping expedition

2009-04-02T02:19:00.003+08:00

Yes, i do feel semi depressed, cause in view of tightening my wallet, i decided to spend less, and hence, hasn't been shopping for a week.OH WELLS! but i did buy something ((:

A vintage bangle! It has the worn out effect, so its great for pairing with my brown staple accesories! ((:

BOTTOM LINE: I NEED TO SHOP! watching Confessions of a Shopaholic with gabs just increased that urge. GAH

2009-03-29T03:07:00.002+08:00

OMG it was nearly a close shave today. I almost got KIAPed in between the mrt doors, thanks to a man who did not move in fast enough, and thanks to me who couldnt bother opening my mouth to say:" EXCUUUUSE MEEEEE!"

But, just when the doors hit me, omg i swear i thought i was gg to die. Thank goodness a kind man pulled me in. I thought to myself, I've got a life benefactor! WAHA

Moral of story is, say "excuse me"?

2009-03-29T03:01:00.001+08:00

MAGIE IS BACK! miss you mans! TEXT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

SUPPPER AMIDST CLUTTHER

2009-03-29T02:39:00.004+08:00

Oh wells, just had my supper amidst my very cluttered area! Gees, maggi mee and coke. What a perfect combination to gain weight ((:

Anyways, I should scoot off to work again... More coloring to do. I realise my blog's constantly about work work and portfolio preparation. I should include more pictures of my daily life in the future then!

Veeks and I hung out the other day (: COOLIOS

2009-03-27T04:07:00.001+08:00

yawnnnns! I am so tired ): gonna sleep now. More cutting of fabrics and preparing sample materials to do tomorrow. And.. to add on coolors!

OH MAMA SAY SAY! AHHHH

breakfast at noon.

2009-03-25T13:21:00.003+08:00

Big mug of tea and cheese toast, cooped up in a mini room surrounded by fabrics. If only my life was all about coming up with collections! oh wells

Yea rushing fabrics and all this morning! HAHA this post was supposed to be out at noon the moment i cam online to do work.. but it just got on now. Gotta scooooot off nows! xD

2009-03-25T04:04:00.002+08:00

I'll be a BIG fashion designer in the future! (not in terms of physical size okay.)

My future, my dream, my ambition.

2009-03-24T00:18:00.004+08:00

After dental, I spotted sam and joshua at Spinelli's! HAHA great time catching up. Sam went off earlier before I could even whip out the photo-taking device. So it's just Joshua and I (:
Lastly, met these lovelies today (: Have so much to thank them for the lovely surprise and the invaluable letters. You mean the worldy to me XD All the fun and precious moments we shared together as mates!

2009-03-23T13:20:00.002+08:00

AH stuffing myself with happy cookies from Gabby and Lemont (: makes me grow fat for the love of friendships.

AH i shud be getting ready for dental at 2pm, but yet here am i, having a bloggin fit...
maybe i can seeeee my hot guy later! HAHHAHA xD

2009-03-23T13:02:00.000+08:00

hee hee! jiaxin came over today (: See the little girl beside me? my pretty girl from Nepal. Pardon the darn mess.

Ah i'll have to rush off for dental already! SIANS

2009-03-23T00:50:00.001+08:00

soon, i'll be flying offf in sweatpants and boyfriend shirts (:

2009-03-22T23:54:00.002+08:00

PORTFOLIO IN THE MAKING.

Gai. It'll be a busy week next week i supppose. 'Hanging out' alot in cafes burying myself deep in work, and travelling to chinatown to negotiate prices of fabreeks, and meeting people. Not forgetting, reading magazines. And going back for consulation!

HAHA, life of fashio designio kang.

What ever happened to the drive! I seem to desire to laze around more than to bring my ass to work. HAHHA having the portable DVD player in my room doesnt work. Freak temptations.

Anyways, i bought a new bedsheet today in PINKKKKK! woohoooo! whatever happened to my "I love blue" stance!

A recent addition in my room: A life size painting of a Nepalease girl. Zomg, she is pretty. However, people around me says she looks like a ghost. WAH LAOS

Shall post it up here next time (:

hectic work day...

2009-02-26T02:20:00.002+08:00

TODAY WAS INSANITY but fun!

Packing fabriks at which i never got to sit down to complete my floral-granny project.

fashion week at Cayen. At which i never really got to take any photos. (sad face) Ugh! regretting not voice out, "Carol do you mind if I whipped out my camera for some photos?"

When would I ever experience another Fashion Day since internship would be ending soon. (In the most narcissist way ever, I only had a pictue of myself in that Mushroom frock. Oh wells, better than none thoughs.)

I got dressed in a Mushroom silk satin frock. Cool shits, luckily i was fasting that's why i could fit in to it...

I was dresser for one of the models (: haaha fun, but violating enough (for the model that is).

2009-02-25T02:58:00.003+08:00

met xavier with gabs and veeks! its happy that we did have a good talk (:

2009-02-25T02:54:00.001+08:00

love you magie! just put down the phone with you. this is what i have been doing all along!

at work!

2009-02-25T00:11:00.003+08:00

work! a place for learning.

2009-02-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

You'll always have my back.
with greatest love

2009-02-24T01:48:00.002+08:00

Work has started at Cayen (:

I am enjoying it, albeit the saigang pile. Oh wells, every intern goes through that.

I was talking to my boss just today, we had a really long chat. A meaningful one i would say. And the verdict is, my plans to Central St. Martins will be postponed till three years from now. (then again I'll have to seek parental consent)

Most importantly, I've learnt, to believe in oneself is somehow the closest route to success. The principal of secret and the power of the mind.

There goes, bits and pieces of my life

2009-01-23T02:21:00.002+08:00

ole me.

lovely one.

night of alize.

fairytale awe.

comic-sense.

us again.

the 'heroes'.

work's not a bitch, chinatown says so.

2009-01-11T02:43:00.002+08:00

If I could, I would set myself free.

I would board a cruise and sit all day long by my balcony, alone.

In the morning, I would have my breakfast, by the sea.

Come afternoon, I would read a book by the sea.

Come evening, I would gaze by the sea, watch the ultimate horizon.

Come night, all to recharge, I would sleep by the sea.

The next morning, the cycle repeats itself in ceaseless motion.

Yes, each day with a tad bit of difference.

The sea, and the ocean, the seagulls and the sun.

The peaceful movement of the waters, and the melodious bird-sounds.

The never-ending waves in a vast body of water, and the countless fish-species in the sea.

Tranquility and solitude away from the hustle and the bustle of the cosmopolitan city.

2009

2009-01-11T01:35:00.002+08:00

I'm 18 going on 19, and i think life's a blast!
oh wells, its been an ungrateful long while since i returned to this forsaken blog of mine.

well, i'll just be here to tell u again, i'll be back! in a while, with pictures and blogentries!

for now, let me whine again, i'm having another breakout, and with pent up sarcasm is say, thanks to those long nights wherein i turn in at 4am in the morning, spending my solo nights in front of this sinful machine watching videos. SINNER

2008-11-25T03:03:00.001+08:00

damn.. i still can't get over the fresh pimples ):

frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreak!

2008-11-25T02:56:00.002+08:00

bimbo cry: "OH MY GOSH! I'm having a dead darn break out!"
Well, thanks to the ohsospecial 3 year old liquid foundation. This is so embarrassing...

Mom, facial pretty please. (helpless face)

XOXO

2008-11-23T03:13:00.002+08:00

Omg, now, I'm totally sunken in into Gossip Girl.
3 in the morning, here am I camping in front of my laptop, waiting for Gossip Girl to load.
Life just can't get any better. TV is king, freedom in the air!

And I'm giving up Jerry Yan for Gossips. HEH how good can this get! O..k, I feel way past season, cause I am only at season 1, episode 13, Gossips gettingeven interesting, especially around Chuck.

Chuck's grotesquely hot. It's a paradox here cause one look at Chuck, he's ugly and evil, but taking second looks and on somewhat intense observations (?), we can rule his dragon-ish nose ,ceated for the perfect stimulant to say "No, ain't good looking" to, "hmmm he's actually quite cute! (:". Let's rule out his arrogance and replace it with his scheming plots to drive Nate and Blair apart, because it proves that he actually does have A frail heart and a soft spot given away to love, despite his notorious casanova ways.

BYE! off to Gossip Girl now

silent chills

2008-11-21T03:38:00.004+08:00

An awesome chill time at the airport and the awesome class dinner at newyork newyork! MAN LOVE TODAY!!! xD

The walk home left me to ponder. The myriad of thoughts counting, serveral issues flooded me.

I took a walk home,

by the pavement.

I peered into the darkness,

alongside the pavement.

Forbidding it is,

foreboding it spells.

This represents the one thing,

that cycles my entire being.

Not to step into the pavement's darkness,

that is my choice.

Ghastly it is,

I do see it in 'Perfect 7'.

A living nightmare,

I boldly declare.

That,

left my beats traumatised.

Never will get in,

never shall step in,

into that living nightmare,

once again.

I took the straightened path,

alleviated of such,

unworthy woes.

Yes I walk straight.

This straight journey,

the midnight winds blew past me.

Relieved,

and happy.

Freedom lost,

once found again.

I believe,

in happy endings.

Do you?

P.S so long, farewell, adieu adieu adieu.

2008-11-21T03:33:00.002+08:00

Well, things left unsaid. Business left undone. The mystery untold and the lie's still uncovered.

Unfinished business, I'd boldly say.

Well, kissed it Goodbye, so am I.

Let's just say, I'm so glad I, ain't into it this holiday.

A's, OVER!

2008-11-15T01:21:00.003+08:00

Yes, the gruesome two weeks are over, and a marked new beginning in life takes place. You're reliving the dream that has finally landed onto your hands.

This 'dream' has to be spent well.

Well, ended the day with fantastic company. Trust me, fantastic means an awesomatic, deliciously, excitingly, bloody, freaking, totally, splendid, (put in any adjective for GOOD) time well spent.

The girls (elaine, ling and shermaine), they are the ones that make me look forward to coming to school each and everyday of my two whole long years in JC. In short, they transformed torture into sweetness. Looking back, it is always a glorious wonder how we met as friends and how we progressed as friends, and most importantly how we bonded as friends.

I still remember all the times, each and every single moment of my two years in CJ, I look back and I smile. With the fervent wish to go back to the past, I embrace the future wholeheartedly cause of the wonder and splendour they have left me with.

It is always exciting how it is possible to turn misery business into happy endings. From running away from teachers, to making friends with them, to skipping classes and hanging out in the canteen or to even playing volleyball, to annoyance and laziness during PE lessons, to rebellion, to tiny walks around school and to the toilet, to even getting caught by Bro.Paul, to koping waterbombs and smashingit at ourselves, to making 'friends' with Tanjeksuan, to countless numbers of detentions/suspensions I have (but somehow managed to enjoy each and everyone of them), to even taking math sub-papers together where our year one promotion depends on it.

School's simply adventurous and worth the risk in illegal enjoyment.

The girls, intimate friends I'll always keep close to my heart and love them always. The whole day spent together, ending with the playground talks, excellent! (:

As for 2T09, class of 2008, MAN/BOY, they are the point of all. Hillariously mixed, without each and every single one of them, the experience would be different.
Just had dinner with them, and I somehow Thank God for putting me in this class. It is just the comfort and ease you get with their presence, the fun joy and laugther. They guys are just plain jane funny HAHA

2 years passed in a blink of an eye and I am glad, these two years were great. Thanks, it was the work of God.

2008-11-09T22:15:00.000+08:00

OH SHIT i forgot to buy red nail polishhhhh!

Awesome Saturday night

2008-11-09T01:01:00.002+08:00

Just came back from BFFL's house at ONE AM!

Haha, well I was there because I absent-mindedly forgot to bring the bunch of keys out, and my errratic studying moods at Esplanade due to ultimate sianness urged me to take the bus home home home.

Just when i was at Novena, I realised that my keys were not with me! HAHAH so I called to to ask her to let me in. Have pity on this stranded soul left outside with no room to go.

Packed LongJohn's cause Macs did not offer StudentsMeal on weekends. Reckoned that it was not wallet-friendly, settled for LongJohn's instead. Reached her house, we spammed on, "We got Married", Korean variety show.

Due to the the accretion of guilt, we decided to head to studying.

Now, STUDY!

NEW DISH COMING RIGHT UP

2008-11-07T23:09:00.005+08:00

I said to my chef.

"Will you cook for me some chickie-mato broth for my ailing cold soul?"

He replied.

"Yes i will, any type of Mato broth you'll have, miss."

dish is actually tomato broth with chicken, hence chickie-mato.
(btw, you're supposed to laugh at this retarded 'joke')

D.A.N.C.E for life

2008-11-06T02:58:00.003+08:00

MAN, tomorrow's tap exam. Some sort marking the end of my career/stay in Jitterbugs, since Chrystelle is heading back to hometown Perth. Hope all my friends will end up in Attitudes with me.

Somehow, I feel the insipient stirs of panic, as I recall the amount of time spent to practice. A hell lot lesser than for the previous two examinations.

Gahh, I am not an overachiever, I just believe in excelling in what i like best. Not that tap is my bestest form of dance, but i just still do love it. Sucks when I have been training for a Distinction, only to get a Highly Commended. That was for the past two exams.

Now, I am training for a Highly Commended, but I'll probably, sadly get Commended. That'll drive me quite low. Well, A's stand in my path, obliterating me of excesss time to practice. I guess I have one of the worst hands in time management. Pardon me, my guilt.

Maybe, like what my friend, Vivian (who could potentially be my future ballet teacher) said, it is still not too late to train for a teachers diploma (:
Okay, I'll just be freaking noob, and probably the oldest in class, dancing and prancing around in pink tutus with toddlers. Exxageration. Stopping ballet at Grade5 do not seemed to have struck me at a level of advantage. I've forgotten the syllabus that i have done.

Now, did i reach grade5 or just purely finished grade4, WITHOUT A BLOODY CERTIFICATE?

Gonna take all the dance exams in the world now. CSTD and RAD

SIGH shouldnt have stopped ballet, i could have been somewhere now. I did not even complete pointe. That makes me a failure somehow. Seems like everygirls wish to go en ponte and I didnt have the patience to wait.

Sigh flunk A's, flunk tap exam, hopefully not.

pre-exam guilt seeping in, attributing it to the lack of self-practice, marking the start of doom...

He gladly said he would

2008-11-05T02:12:00.003+08:00

Will you cook for me?

I sat by the window today. With my camera on my lap, the air of melancholy drifted around me. 'Seems like you're here to stay,' I thought to myself.

Thirty minutes ago, as the bus careened down the highway and huge drops of rain pelted down from the omnibus sky, I could no longer see the lush green fields that lined the shoulders of the SLE from the window seat. What seemed like airs of belligerence in the bus were actually the lonesome atmosphere that surrounded me. Feelings of dolor grappled itself around my neck.

I heaved a sigh, a loud heavy sigh, in begrudging resignation.

Well, I called for the day to be spent alone with my camera. My very own field trip.

'Singapore's such a lovely place, young lady.' A sudden voice by my left ear took me by surprise. I lifted my gaze away from the rains and to my left. A middle-aged English lady greeted me.

'Hi,' I greeted, still in the state of fixate. 'Sorry,I didn't notice you while you sit.'

'It is alright, I just arrived. I'm Susan Meyer from the UK, city of Manchester to be specific.'

She continued, 'The rains here are scarily heavy, my dear. I was stranded at the bus stop and even still, it couldn't provide me with the shelter I needed. I boarded the bus.'

'I see. But, what are you doing in this area of Singapore? I presume you are a tourist?' I asked, with every word tinged with curiosity, aroused by her sudden presence.

'Well, let's just say, I am taking a day off from work to take the public transport around this area of Singapore, like you, Love,' her voice with a constant upbeat suggested that unlike me, her soul was light and happy.

If there ever was music to present my emotions now, I would choose the themesong from Braveheart. As though every note in the orchestra played symphony, was filled with the strength, desire and perseverance to step out of darkness, taking a plunge into the overflowing freedom of sunshine. All amidst obstacles constantly standing in my way. Sorrow and grief seemed to pride over all sometimes.

man, i am super tired to blog now, i shall complete my story another day. damn i so didnt do math today! UGH slacker's din!

circa 1930s

2008-11-01T22:07:00.006+08:00

While Mom's making dinner for me, I shall write what I came across last night.

A letter, dated back in the 1930s of a 19 year old student studying overseas writing to her sister back in London.

"Dear Molly-anne,

How have you been so far? Guess it should be the rainy season in London now. Sigh, it is snowing here. This goes to show that white Christmas is coming. I miss you. I miss the family and I miss Muppet.

The eminence of the exams are nearly scaring me every bit, robbing me of my deserved rest hours during the night. Besides, it is certainly not comforting to here from the rest, passing remarks that my own exam would be a total flop. I meant mine, not theirs.

Their words were sharp and hurtful, and if their ever intention was to create that spur to spur me on, well i guess it had minimal effects. I know they intended no malice, but they brought me low, and the pressure that they unknowingly exerted on me was immense. Tempers, moodswings, spaced-out moments, all the result of stress, haunted my well being, incalculably.

I dread classes these days. I plod my way to the classrooms, never enjoyed myself in there due to unintended acid remarks, leave the room, with the words ' I AM STRESSED' written across my crestfallen face. Dreadful.

My days in this university were spent in flounder. I miss home, I long to do something that I have always wanted, Arts.

Annie, wistful moments, the fervent longing for... love? This bugs me. I question what i asked for, and in return I ask what i questioned.

Reminiscence of the past love left an embedded scar on me, on my capacity to love another man. I never, never missed the old days with Pete, for reasons I myself cannot reckon. Maybe, I never loved him that much. Maybe, I just move on fast. Maybe, keyword here is erradication. The myriad of manys cloud my mind, leaving me in the state of being unable to unravel what is it that i truly want in the next.

Then I ask myself, if I never loved Pete, why then did we last for 2 years? And attributing to that length of time would've have made the break off much more ardous, but no, it wasn't. Maybe, in times like these we would have to make time to wave goodbye.

Sometimes I find love a very knotty issue. It is the vocal issues, I pray would go away each time. Why is it disagreements always end up in great arguments and quarrels that leaves its stain behind even though 'I am sorry' was said? Disagreements should be solved amiably, right, i ask? Love, is an ugly complex issue, yet its sophistication is often the one that blooms in the rhapsody of colors that leaves one ultimately and easily contented, at the slightest bit. Sometimes, Love and Anger (or even Hate or Dislike) just do not mix well together- they are immiscible!

How are you and Jem?

Oh, Annie, just what is it that is plaguing my weary soul that makes me scoff at the very thought of love?

After my exams, I am going to take some time off to the mountain tops with Mallory. That will be spring by then. I anticiapate this with anxiety, but let me deal with the Greatest that has yet to come. Misery is slowly encroaching me bit by bit, and I do not know when the burgeoning feelings of solictude will take its toll.

See you soon, Annie!

Love,
Faith-carolina
20 Dec 1931"

feel you, faith.

kids these days...

2008-10-20T23:23:00.003+08:00

And so i guess, life's been pretty interesting... NOT!
Gah, and for something which I have been looking forward to, I don't look forward to tap tomorrow... Somehow the feeling of being yelled at honestly, do not rock. The freaking tap school's like getting shittier by the day for some administrative reason.

Sigh! It's always better to drop dead and pretend nothing was fatal. This I am referring to is the act of oblivion. But somehow the irony behind it is that your mind can tell you that nothing special did happen but your actions just cannot go in the intended way your mind tells you to! That is what is difficult. SIGH!

zara.zara.zara!

2008-10-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

I just cannot get enough of ZARA~ it's not entirely a very good thing for a poor blookie like me cause I just set my eyes on this $129.90 jacket/sweater/winterwear or whatchamacallit. And it doesnt help me poor heart cause I HAVE BEEN DROPPPING BY ZARA EVERYDAY TO MAKE SURE NO ONE BUYS THE LAST PIECE AWAY! what a beeeeeeeg fat stalker. And, to raise my love issues, I have been feeling emo since 430pm because of ZARA's wonderful creation, and me not abling to have it. GAHHH it so sadeening!

I wanna work I wanna work so i can have the kachings for my jacket to sustain my body from the winter cold!

"mom, dad, can u pweash buy it for meeeeeee?" you should buy it for me cause, you will no longer hear random spouts of phrases from me that includes, "mmmmm... i like that jacket" or "ehhhhh, can you buy for me?" and you wouldn't have silly answers that replies a what you wanna eat qns with" i wanna eat wool!" (the jacket is wool base)

okay, so just buy it for me... sigh, escessive consumerism is bad bad bad!

2008-10-04T23:51:00.002+08:00

Sigh, what have I been learning these past days?
Probably the lesson of 'mind over matters' and 'guard your frail heart real well'.

I have not been able to concentrate for reasons accruing to the the lack of focus. MIND OVER MATTERS, GUARD YOUR HEART WELL!

For a fleeting moment, its like like everything's just so vulnerable, everything can just collapse and every thing is filled with immense uncertainty. It seems to me that I have been living off each day with a vain hope that everything will be fine. Gosh, I am living in a world so bloody uncertain now! I hate it, I dread it, I detest it, it's total abhorrance!

hating goodbyes

2008-10-03T19:36:00.002+08:00

Goodbyes.
Easy to be said, but truth be told, I really hate goodbyes and I sincerely do.
I hate change, and I hate the fact that a goodbye would bring about one.
Everything happy could have ended after 'bye!' or a 'goodnight!'
It's so uncertain, i dread it.
Why o why is life full of countless uncertainties, I abhor.
I wished I have never put forth my feet and take a step deeper into the world where everything lacks patience.
Sigh, I guess it is moving too fast with immense ambivalence.
I do not enjoy Goodbyes, I prefer Hellos!

these aeons ago pictures!

2008-09-28T11:03:00.011+08:00

sincere hearts love

zomg! elaine and i with what ever i was doing

watching baybeats with magie!

vibrant rojak babies (ewww, babies?)

class BBQ really rocks!

happy tourists (:
MAN i'm taller!
xoxo!

THOU SHOULDNST FORGEST BAYBEASTS!

timbre.timbre.timbre!

you know, Painsunset is really good?

when cottoncandy thwarts your no-sugar diet plans
maybe you'll know that this ponytail's quite dumbish-looking

love love love!
man, how hard i tried to stop keenan from deleting this picture! HAHHAH
lost in transit
this is THE small pony -.-

when the family goes to HARRY'S
with magie!
and you'll know cafe momentum rocks when...
you heart me?
when we camwhored almost the whole of the cafe

from the table and the drawings
to the living room
to.... okay those were just a minute fraction of the pictures taken.

hope

2008-09-26T14:33:00.002+08:00

Today's GP class, one phrase that struck me the most was that, hope prolongs the torment of man.

Well, much needs to be said about hope, but the word hope is constantly being said out at every junction in our lives. The word 'wish' never fails to make know its presence as well. For me, at the present moment, I can say that I am not hoping for anything, but in the nearest future i hope i would do well for As and in the near future, I hope to be a fashion designer.

Well, hopes and wishes constanly play a part in our everyday lives, and I was told that hopes can be tormenting. Okay, or rather false hopes. Sometimes, I have to say that living in ignorance is the biggest bliss. Why? At least because we can continue hoping and hoping till the final ugly truth, I guess.

I guess all the wishes I make and all the hopes I say, I have to admit that I would have to take it with a small pinch of salt. In a sense, hopes and wishes are like expectations, and expectations can really turn out ugly or make the person uglier. Its the same for hopes and wishes i guess.

Its because you in the light of hoping and wishing, you tend to paint a very beautiful picture of the intended situation and then you expect it to turn out like your original plan. The biggest fall then comes when you realise that all you plans were thwarted when all hopes and wishes fell through. Hopes and wishes can be manipulative, and a major distortion in our minds.

In this sense, hopes can turn the situation ghastly, or its end results can make a person fall had with colossal dissappointment.

For me, I once used to hope, that I could turn the tables round or tun back time. But reality poses, harsh as it really is, I cannot. Then my next step arose. And that was to hope. I did hope and I probably did expected, but i knew i had to prepare myself for what could be a major dissapointment so i would not fall really hard. Guess, today, I have already seen the outcome of my hopes, and I have to say, I am glad cause at the very least I did hoped.

It was not a false hope.

Flase hopes, to me somehow could be the greatest letdown of all. Because that is when you placed almost all hopes and expectations into it, waiting for an answer. You thought that the situation was rosy, but actually all that came out was dull. When the hard fact hits you that it was not going to come out as the situation almost seemed, you look back and you start questioning. Sadness encroaches in, disapointment fillls up every creek, you asked God why.

Still, all i can say is, hard to live by, but live by the consolation that do not expect too much or hope too much that will cause you to fall with great disappoinment. Instead, maybe, take all hopes with painch of salt. But it is also important to distinguish between faith and false hope/hopes. That is a very fine line. But I guess, when the situation calls fr it, it comes naturally.

Faith should be the epitome of sucess, so just keep praying!

shall be off for tuition! GAHHHH i am late

Cousin-talk

2008-09-14T23:38:00.003+08:00

It's the mid-autumn festival, and its pretty quiet this year. Considering the quiet big house where everyone has grown up. I, remember, vividly, how my cousins and I grew up in that BIG house, and then i compare it now. Vast difference, I would say as i recall the childish yet halcyon days, full of energy.

The old house which seems to be bustling with energy and excitement seems reduced to.. hmm, a possibly small homely affair, I would suppose. Past mid-autumn festivals are usually rowdy, and somehow illegal in this family of mine. Today, looking at those colorful candles, it seemed like a vestige of my childhood memories, where instead of playing with lanterns, my cousins and i played with fire. My cousins involving my first and second cousins, and not to forget, my brother.

Today, all of us have outgrown that phase of intriguing moments sparked of by fires. A casual dinner was what was left. Still, nothing beats the company and seeing my cousins, aunties and uncles.

I was just having a conversation with my cousin, and then, I wondered, am I accepting change too fast? Or is it a temporary moment of intrigue that fueled this acceptance. Dumbfounded, I still choose to believe, and stay firm that life does not end because the clock is still moving and i can witness its movements. For every minute, just smile, because life goes on.

I guess, I still do enjoy every bit of privacy that God has given me.

12 september 2008, friday

2008-09-13T00:35:00.003+08:00

TODAY WAS AN EGGCITINGS DAY!

Giebietty Gibb, Gabby came over my house after her H1 physics paper! haha, it was simple fun we had, watching Gossip Girls (it is my first time okayyy) and painting our nails ala wierd french manicure, and having cute stars.
We had agar agar mooncake for breakfast. Awesome things, comes in truly wierd forms i have to say. And my mommy thought it was snowskin mooncakes! HAHA, false hopes, shattered dreams when it turned out to be agar agar!

LUNCH, hungry kids we were, we starved ourselves for a Japanese buffet. Just as I was prasing the wonders of healthy Japanese food during the bus, out came plates of fried tempuras. Sinful yet addictive. Please attribute my need to curb these temptations since I had tonnes of chocolate at Coffee Club at changi's T3 with the Girls yesterday. So, i removed the fried flur off the tempura and ate the fresh prawns inside. God, bless my body that it will not chock up my cholesterol levels to ultimate highness...

I have always had this fettish for prawns since I don't know when. Probably, when my friend's maid could cook ASSAM PRAWNS damn bloody well.

Eh, hello, I didnt eat much during the buffet. I just drank mugs of green tea. I hvent ate dinner since like 4, and i am starving nooooow... but never mind everybody starves once in a while.

Met up with the class people, HAHA it was cool chilling time! fun laughther peace and joy blooms in the air.

Chilling with Magie, ended the day perfectly well. Honest and sincere. LOVE YOU!

i feel like an ass now.

At the receiving end of love, a love-receiver.

2008-09-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

Somehow, won't it be sad if a person is constantly at the receiveing end of love? Wouldn't it be sad that he or she would not have understood the true meaning of love because they have always been receiveing and sadly not giving?

I would have to say, that is sad.

Well, i believe that love comes with giving. Simple for that, it is always better to give than to receive. Because it is often through giving that, that we learn to be more generous, to be happy for others, to let the other party know that you are there. I guess, most importantly, in the process of giving, it teaches us to be more selfless. Love is not selfish, it is selfless.

And in most aspects of our lives, it is somehow an uphill task having to always be selfless, caus we are constanlt guarded in a world, prizing your own needs as most important. Often, it is very difficult to put ourselves in the shoes of other people, and this often converges to one word that arises, 'misunderstanding'. I guess communication is the simplest yet the most challenging skill that a person can possibly master.

Communication, is simply a bridge of differences between 2 human beings. Don't you realise that it is often through talking that leads to a greater understanding of another party. However, whether good or bad, depends on the individual's personal skills, how he or she speaks in the way he wants the other person to receive it. It's the factor of clarity, that portrays a person's intentions.

Well, do you want to be constantly at the receiving end of love, and one day stop loving mainly because that person, that friend no longer has the capacity to give? I wouldn't. Love, platonic or emotional, is always a two way thing.

Sometimes they say reap what you sow, or yes like what Jesus taught us, treat others the way you want them to treat you. If you want someone to treat you well, you start by treating that person well as well, I guess, it is a matter of being nice.

Writting can be addictive, for failures like me

2008-09-11T00:27:00.003+08:00

Failures.

The prelims, were a complete disaster, not to mention my major impending doom, Chemistry. I have never failed to dislike studying and now, tersely put across, I am reaping the seeds of dislike which i have sowed, attributing to my indolence and my complete lack of drive, since my passion has never routed itself to the world of academia.

Till this very day, I question, and knowing the answers, I continue to cry out loud, "Why am I in a JC?!?!?!?!". Well, somehow i really have to give my thanks to God for my entrance into CJC.

Sigh, for one thing i can surely say, I have yet to pass my Geography and Chemistry in my entire span of one and a half years in college. ABYSMAL FAILURE. Sigh, when is my rainbow journey gonna end so i will meet my pot of gold?

Brutality

2008-09-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

Guilt, I wonder if there is contrition, wounded itself into my head. Deep. For my actions do bug me.

Today, i sat down by the windows at Esplanade and as i gaze out to the clouds, my heavy heart once again felt light. That was the remedy for my heavy heart this afternoon.

My heavy heart, mainly due to the mental wear and tear brought upon due to the ever-intense math paper. It sucked. I was so tired, the moment I boarded 171, saying bye to Gerald and Elaine, I collapsed onto the seat and stared blankly as the bus moved through town.

I was exhausted, I have no idea why. But I was so overwhelmed with fatigue, so colossal that I constantly found myself at a loss at what to do at the library. The supposed studying for my last chemistry paper ended up with me looking into the sky, reading the magazines, which for once, Vogue, failed completely to draw my attention.

The otherside of my heavy heart is my wondering mind. As someone who used to do riding, i wonder,whether an accident during a competition has crippled or injure the feet of the rider from riding a horse, resulting in a possible inability to take part in another competition once again. Sometimes, the rider probably just feels that she should be doing the thing that is politically and socially right. If i were the rider, at this moment i would choose to do, what is socially right, till God redirects me again.

A change for a start

2008-09-10T23:10:00.005+08:00

I guess, it is often at different moments and periods as well as phases in our lives that we realise change is taking place. However, often, it could be due to denial, self-illusion to accept the different changes that are taking place. Especially, when things are going too fast for acceptance. You just cannot keep up.

It's tiring. Especially for someone like me, who i believe, cannot handle fast changes very well. I probably do not have the deft hands at handling changes, but i do know, I welcome challenges, albeit to a certain extent.

For me, i really really dread the need for change, and often, I would lie on my bed as I soliloquised about the different abrupt changes in my life, that somehow left me nonplussed, regretful, sad, embarrassed, happy, anything. I dread it because when some chnages started, it seemed like the head of a dark long tunnel where the feeling of uncertainty of walking out of it really bugs me, cause i don't know when the period will be over! But, i know, for that matter of fact, for discouraging moments, most of the time, I should be able to get out of bed as possible sanguine thoughts fill me.

Optimism, I suppose should be the word that, together with God has walked me out of different phases of dark tunnels in my life. A tough phase is never meant to be gone through alone, it is meant to be shared among family and friends. And, boy, do i reallly thank all you important people in my life, you guys are SINCERELY wonderful.

Forrest Gump once said, okay maybe somebody else said it, i am not sure. But, he said, Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.

True, especially when we are far from being able to read the mind of God, much less understand his plans for us. All i can say is that, everything is in the hands of the One that made us. One person also added, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you chose which one you would like to eat, destiny is in your hands.' Choice is the key word here. Still, no matter which chocolate you eat, you wll stilll end up with the final last chocolate which God has intended for you to eat, right? HAHA lame, but yes, there is free will, but we will still end up in the final God-desired destination.

I do not deny that changes can be obstacles or better still, the brighter side, the stepping stones to future achievements. I mean nobody's life should be stagnated at one blissful moment. Just comparing it to a rollercoaster ride, we would not be too happy for long, neither would we be too sad for long, cause we go up and dowm. Yes, so i guess, thoughts of worries and fret should not occupy our thought, since whether you smile or frown, you still have to get by the day.

That is probably why, embrace change, though sometimes difficult, for time never waits for anyone.

Love, in platonic terms.

2008-09-06T22:13:00.004+08:00

My hair is growing longer (: YIPPIES! I honestly cannot wait for my hair to grow longerr, maybe just another 6inches, I will be contented.

Today's homily, would be one homily that I would not want to forget. It is about love, the love you have for people around you. It is also one topic upon which i have been touching on these few days.

Love, a very broad yet meaningful term. To me, love is the world's untopia. I mean, if everybody loves, then there would be, simply put across, no suffering, no selfishness, no act of covet bla bla bla. But, no, God did not make the world perfect. Instead there are blemishes all round us, in our daily lives. In fact, sometimes it is so much harder to love someone who does not do you justice. You find it meaningless.

If i can change the world, I would say start by loving first. Put all your unhappiness aside and just love. It is hard, in fact, as humans we face so much in life, all the obstacles in our interpersonal relations that we often find it hard to love. We find it hard just to put aside all unhappiness and love because we would also want to protect our fragile self, the fear of rejection. In a nutshell, loving is never easy.

However, we are actually made and build with the capacity to love. It is easier to love than to hate. Simply because, you are actually hurting yourself by displaying unhappiness, or bearing that grudge, that unladen burden you have actually been carrying.

The true mark of our christian faith would be the act of love, the love no matter how difficult to bring out, should nevertheless be displayed. Of course not only christians love, other people love as well, I am just saying this because I was being taught. No matter how hard it is, just love, by your actions that does not display any harm.

Mother Theresa once said, love is doing small things with great love.

Love should never be a measure, and sometimes in love, you should never expect. And i guess, the hardest part of all is not to expect anything. Honestly, i can tell you, I myself cannot succeed a 100% in not expecting. I guess, we all including me, will have to learn and accept that. This is because it is truely with acceptance you face less dissapoinments, less heartaches, less sorrows, less of all negativities in essence.

Similarly, how much you love a person, a friend, should not be determined how much that person does for you. Simply because, love cannot be quantified or yes, measured.

Love is undirectional and non-biased.

Similarly, love can crack any ice or any possible animosity. Love is that powerful.

Sigh, all that doing, all that sayings in the homily does make someone a saint of utopian love if one can practice it. However, all i can say is that, we can always aim to reach that goal then.

Love makes the world go round, and its a better place! Don't stop loving, because you never know what you will experience in return, if you don't expect la, but God can assure you one thing, it is joy and happiness.

Decide, click, flicker, flicker again, captured.

2008-09-06T14:10:00.002+08:00

A whole new truckload of excitement will begin when my camera arrives. Actually, i honestly have no clue when it would come, but yup, I'll just wait and see.

For now, let us differntiate, oh wait, we must first integrate ourselves into arithmetic and yes, geometric progression, moving our work pace in sequence and series, understanding the damn complexity of number's and why Euler, Maclaurins came up with bloody theorems, and why did De Movrie exist? Shit, the whole binomic repetition of math is in my head.

Sigh, I fret and I worry for my exams because everything is so difficult! Still, Veeks thought me somthing today, you are never a failure until you give up. Similarly, like those Energizer batteries, never say die.

Come on o Lord, energize my brain, spark it with intelligence and endurance during this period.

Esplande's waterfront

2008-09-05T23:05:00.002+08:00

Music.

Music, very much the windows to a person soul and also an outlet of expression. Spending the past few days at Esplande has been very... splendid. If that is the correct way to express the goodness and splendour the Lord has bestowed before me.

I've been meeting people, talking to people, hearing people, watching people, eating with people. These really lifted my moods up, and it allowed me, once again to soar in the open sky, the wonder of an unlimited horizon, basking in freedom unfolded. The music performance which i just attended today was a good way to end my five-day 'work' week.

Music, that music console which i dared not to lay my hands upon for days, finally accompanied me for close to 3 days out of this holiday. And I've been listening only to a single artist, Plainsunset. Okay, and the occasional Eva Cassidys. That's all.

Citing freedom again, i still remember the day, Tuesday. Magie and I ran up to the stage at the Waterfront, stood there, sang abit, before we decided to head out to the concrete shores by the bay. In front of the river, we sang, and sang, and sang till our hearts content, our audience, the wide river just in front of us. Not to mention the ocassional fishes that jumped above the surface. We sang Eva Cassidy's Field of Gold, Time after Time, Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love and many more. (laughs) We did try to remix it and all..

Magie's voice, brilliant. Mine? I'll be content to be her echo. xD

Yup, that singing session was one of the many episodes in this week that brought my moods on high. That's music for me. Freedom surged through me as i sang.

From now, i know, there will be many more music encounters for me because everytime, i just stand in awe of them, especially the local bands, and marvel at their voices, ever powerful and vaboom, domineering and each performance never fail to leave me craving for more. Today, the waterfront presented the alternatives (genre). And we sat there and listen, and marveled at the strength of her projection of voice. I reckon, she's british thhough, but her fellow bandmates are singaporeans. That performance, was simply mindblowing and awesome.

The whole Esplanade-place never fails to make me happy, for that simple matter of fact.

Still, at this moment, i am not able to associate my mood with any single song, but to name a song that is running in my mind would be Fields of Gold. I just like singing it. It is pleasant to the ears, soothing for the mind, easy on my vocals but just a little bit, hmm, sad i guess.

My meaning of 'Let go, Let God'

2008-09-03T22:25:00.004+08:00

I don't know why, but i really miss going down to Orchard, especailly Ngee Ann City for that matter of fact. Maybe, i guess, that's where my happiest memories are contained.

Even though i know that nothing's ever going to change, but nothing would prevent the feelings of reminiscence from coming into me. I'd probably be a female bastard if i were to say that i never missed anything from the past. But, no. I truly do miss the past. Even though countless of fights, arguments, quarrels and what not took place on supposed dates, inside me, I am still able to savour on what's left happy.

Yes, I still miss it, Orchard to me is memorable. Missing it is not equivalent to sudden 'emo-ness', instead, it surprisingly brings a smile to my face, maybe a wistful one.

I've been smiling, and I won't stop smiling, this I know. Simple for that fact, it is because i feel happy, and that is why i smile! (: And, i cannot help but give thanks to God, for such goodness comes because of the Lord's greatness and abundant love.

Maybe the fervent longing for something does flood me, but that is only cause I am human, and I have emotions and yes, feelings. However, the most important thing, is to look ahead and not turn back for regrets or regret. That's what the bible said too. Cause, I have tried.

Today, when i was in the car, i asked Charles, "why do you still love Crystal even though she has cheated on you countless of times?"

"Well, some things are hard to explain..."

And that truely made sense, because you don't need to have a condition to love someone. In fact, to me, you cannot pin pont love. Simply, because you cannot compare the love that is being shared to something, be it character, superficially or skin-deeep, or even an object because if one day, you realised that person no longer did this for you, will you still love the person?

And for that once a special person in my life, I could not pin point why I loved this person so great that's because i took this person for who he is, and i just loved because i truely did.

One may say, it is because you truely love that person so much that you lay down expectations that you probably did not even realise until you step out of the boundary. True. In fact laying down expectations does not mean you love the person less, why? It's because you love someone, through your heart and actions and you definitely hope/expect the person to love you back as well. That is expectations as well. I guess.

I don't know, but now that nothing is going to change, let go, let God, let us be happy.

2008-09-03T00:37:00.001+08:00

ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING! anything is possible now... even one-liners like this.

HAPPENNIGS!

2008-09-03T00:28:00.002+08:00

yup, its calling out, "tickets for you and me!"

2008-09-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

i just sat by the river today, and wondered, and wondered and wondered again...
cause i totally have no clue about whats happening around me, and what should be happening.

But at least i know i am still smiling (;

I wonder, when can i see the vibrant flashes of lightning rendering its colorful mighty streaks across the dark night sky once again. I miss that scenery.
Maybe, when can i see the fireworks again?

2008-09-01T00:28:00.003+08:00

HAHAHHA i koped this from HER blog (:
GUESS WHO!

Anyways, something hilarious happened in the library today.
MUAHAHHAA my ring got stuck in Veek's finger. She really had a hard time trying to pull it out. HAHAHA that's funny.

Saw sah-loo doing the NIKE 10K RUN (: pleasant surprise

Wanted to go join Rebecca for Baybeats, but decided the give the last day a sad miss. SIGH, reason being, i decided that i wanted to stay home and watch Incredible Tales, and it turned out scaring the wits out of me. thanks lot... haha

This marks happy sunday.

2008-08-31T12:39:00.002+08:00

You know, a raging sense of dilemma runs through my mind, cause once again, i find myself at a crossroad. damn it, hate crossroads.

UGH, i wanna leave the house soon! my dad's like sleeping?

2008-08-31T12:37:00.000+08:00

SMILE! cause God's here. ((:

2008-08-30T16:44:00.002+08:00

Last night,2am, I cried.
why?
cause i was immensely touched (and deeply enamoured) how God has constantly been with me when i needed him mostly.
It was with him, that when the path was long and winding and it seemed lke there was no end to it, He cut it short and He straightened it for me.
I'm happy (:

Thanks dear God.

Learn to give to a selfish person.

A better me.

2008-08-30T00:06:00.003+08:00

TODAY (:

Ever so fufiling and so satisfying, I enjoyed today, from the moment I stepped into the school compound, till the moment i reach home (now), everything, every little bit was perfect. Dear ole dear, obviously, the teachers' day concert was really far from perfect.

Will not forget the Baybeats performances today, the roaring company (:

The Dinner, i name it, with people ever so special in my life. I've learned, a whole lot and yes, I've learned to take a better perspective of every situation life can give offer, because simply, everything is in God's hands. The bible an ever living tool, it did help me tide through the days when the rain constantly poured down in Singapore. SIGHHH, I won't miss that lame short monsoonal days. I'll just relish on those chilli thoughts. aiyar, i dunno why chilli also la, but just chilli.

Maybe in the future, I'll own long tresses
maybe in the future, I'll line my eyes
Maybe in the future, I'll open my boutique at the front line of Paragon
Maybe in the future, I'll have broader shoulders hahahah
Maybe in the future, I'll be fashion designer, CRK
Maybe in the future, I'll be big

Maybe maybe maybes, so many maybes, the future is definitely a pleathora of possibilities, yet full of whimsical situations at times...
There will be many 'if only...'s but if you never put forth that foot to be in that circle, you never know what it will be like.
There will always be regrets and that's why there are many 'if only's. Similarly, there's always a paucity of time, thats why there will be regrets and that's why the many 'if only's drive through your mind.
And, that is why, time waits for no one.

Today, i sat in the bus, 171. I have no idea why, but my lips are constantly curved, upwards. I carried a smile I didn't realised till i alighted.
Bliss was all i felt. Liberation, maybe too strong a word, but that was how i felt.

God taught us to be nice, nice to everyone, even your enemies. Yes, I don't read the bible for nothing. I'm called to love, maybe that's my new mission cause we are all brothers and sisters in the name of christ.

'Hate' and 'Love'. 2 very stong words expression our thoughts our emotions and not to forget our actions. The former can send someone to the brink of depression, the latter can drive a person sky high.

And i love God (:

2008-08-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

someday, i'll get it right! (:

2008-08-28T19:57:00.003+08:00

Somehow, i always have this question within me, why the dream to be a fashion designer? I don't know why.
But whenever people ask me that, all i reply is that, well, that has been my childhood dream. But it has certainly evolved into a passion, definitely turning it into an ambition. Or rather, a challenge i aspire to suceeed in.

What sparked off the passion? The old primary school days, where my friends and I took our excercise books, started drawing, pieces of clothing to be specific, and then started pricing them, and somehow, at exhorbitant prices. Those were the old school days. Today, i sketch them out anytime anywhere, especially during lectures.
It's always these lectures that fuel my inspirations, and somehow, where my most satisfying designs are born. Similarly, it's always these lectures that somehow make me love the world of fashion even more, because no words can simply explain my dislike for college work.

Well, fashion is always alive, there's no end to it. That's what that keeps me going. The life fashion offers.

2008-08-28T19:09:00.002+08:00

((:
part one of prelims are over! WOOHOO! glad that i can really take a short break now and submerge into... anything relaxing i suppose. exams are always wearing a person out. FATIGUE

A lot has been running through my head today, and that is resposibilities. Responsibilities, nothing ever easy i suppose. But there's always one principal that is still stuck in my head, Happiness is always bounded by a circle, for it's simply your choice whether you want to be in it, or call out. And similarly, life is like a rollercoaster.
I've been happy these past few days, for it's simply no use fretting over the mights and the might-nots.

It's time already.

Stepping into Paragon today, and letting all the high-end boutiques come into your sight. I feel wistful, yet in awe. Maybe, someday i will get there.
And i believe, somehow everything we do have a cause and an effect. In a sense, sometimes destiny is within your reach, but ultimately, God's everything.

Smile, and live each day with zest.

2008-08-26T22:37:00.004+08:00

4 days, entitled, easier said than done.
and all i can say, everything happened in a blitz.
somehow i dig deep down inside me, my heart.
what was it that i really wanted. i cannot remember anymore because till today i search and ask, what is it that i really want. maybe i do regret, but i have to live up to it. Not easy, yes.
but all i know is that i am listening hard to what God tells me to cause there's a time for everything, as said in the book of Ecclesticeste, be it sad, happiness, anxiety, morose, regret. God has plans for everything, that i know. Intense praying did help me tide over some of the hardest situations in my 18 years of life, and I'm not going to forget that God will always come first. And for that 18 years i sought solace, comfort in him. I'm glad. what am i ever to do if i weren't a catholic.

2008-07-26T10:07:00.002+08:00

sometimes i don't understand why.
why is it that whenever i'm filled with thoughts, i can't just say it out.
why is it that its so unlike the past? where i said everything out.
why does it make me feel that i have no avenue to turn to.
i have tried once to spill everything out, but constantly i have been nagged by the fear that how would that person feel about me whenever i pilled my thoughts out.

wells, school's stressed. and it doesn't help when people aggravate it.
now, life's like a roller coaster. i'm at the downturn. but its good cause i'll reach the peak once again (:

EARS AND EYES by jonchan was good (: touching and mindblowing.

2008-06-30T20:53:00.000+08:00

BANGED FRINGE

2008-06-24T18:56:00.003+08:00

yep, studying for my exams. sudying and study.
somehow, the pinch i'm feeling inside me is, "sasa! why are you blogging instead of study?!" but well, i guess, its a long time since i started really digging into my feelings, and really understand what i want out of all that i am doing now. it's gonna be hard cause it has been a long time.

i read this guy's blog. ever since i've gotten to know him, i've been trying to unravel the knot of mystery to his old blog. the mystery as to why there isn't any archive button in which i could read this guy's old entries.

And today, i finally found that button after several clicks here and there, not mentioning one of my resorts to viewing the page's source. silly, but i was desperate, more of like i was overcome with curiosity.

yes, it was a pleasant surprise. my friends said he's a very grown up man. i would say he's mature. and yes, i told him before that how much i look up to him, and that one day i would finally realise that i can walk away from all emotions that i feel especially those sensetivity which i guess, were very much uncalled for, those childish thoughts and wilful emotions sometimes, expressed in the form of fury and flusteredness.

i guess, in a way, i've grown. i know i've matured, giving me some credit, at least a bit. and like him, i enjoy every bit of maturity.
i guess its through maturity, that a whole different light upon things stat to dawn upon you that, maybe these are not as important as they really seem to you. sometimes, or rather its just your perception.

the pessimism in me, makes me feel that i'm a worthless being. but as maturity comes and the light of optimism shines down upon me, i know or i can say i'm a good person. because i know that at every difficulty placed in front of my foot path, i know things are not that easy as to say, solve it. instead maturity comes with finding the root of the problem.

in some friendships i haven't been able to feel comfortable. why? it's due to the narrow perception i have of, we just cannot click. but are friendships build like that, in an instant of a click? nope, i wouldn't say yes. well at least my perception of things tell me not. instead it's with, yes finding the root of the problem. is being uncomfortable in the friendship a 'you' issue? if it is, find out why. i guess for me, its because i have not been able to step out of my comfort zone, in which when faced with life prevalent difficulties, i often have to do so. and though i lack that bid of courage, sometime, all i need is a spur on.

sometimes, when i find that i really cannot cope with it, i give up (and i meant giving up if its only within my means and if i have tried hanging on to it to change a situation) and yes, i move on.
and yes, in some aspects of my life, i have moved on. i find, if you really can't and you have tried, and it really is taking an immense toll on you, like you're always carrying an unladen burden, its time to move on.

well, i heard from somewhere, "don't cry because something went away. instead smile bacuse it happened" and yes, my take on this is that, i thank God for the happiness i gained into stepping in, but i know as i grow and discover more realities in my life that till today some is still uncovered, i can no longer stay in my shell. i step out i discover and i interact. i miss the past that i had, till today thoughts of reminiscence fill my head and envy slowly slips in.

then again it's slowly with maturity that i learn how to step on and move on and not let the past bogg me. okay, not as if i never tried.

i guess with maturity, it also takes place in the form of relationships. not necessarily with your partner but with people around you. with maturity, you tend to feel less unhapppy. i guess. its my perceptions.

then again it's always perceptions that guards the person's inner most personality and his or her morals. don't you think so? its perception that maketh a person i would say. its perceptions that moulds a persons character. but, i cannot say so, and agree i a persons perceptions are flawed. then agian, who are we to judge their perceptions. after all, perceptions are meant to deffier from opinions, and no person should be flawed for that i guess.

but given time, perceptions change. and i would say mine too, it did change. there are many around me that are stimulants and catalytical to my maturity level. because it's through the words that they share, the emotions that they feel, and that they share with me.
yes, they help me to grow.

i thank God for the countless of blessings that are present in me. and i ask God to grant me the level of maturity to accept things that i cannot change, the courage to change it in any way i can and the wisdom to recognise the change and not to forget, maturity at any level to fully grasp the content of the blessings bestowed upon me.

admited, i'll make an effort to attend my daily mass.